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Which, I've never really done because I've kept going back to visit people that I know there. So, three days in a row I've been woken up at exactly 2:30 and can't get back to sleep because it is so loud. Like, months ago, once I calmed down enough to realize that I didn't actually want to get Sarah back, I knew that I could never be with her again, because I could never feel confident that I knew how she felt.

I'm the kind of person I didn't want to be, yet I didn't see it until that shield of happiness slowly faded away.

Here is the only place I can speak that truth. It made me not want to have kids and I know that's mean to say but honestablished is supposed to be a good thing right? Just that you have to follow your heart and take initiative... and you did that!